Most confusion doesn’t come from malice.
It comes from assumptions. And assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups.
We assume people know what we mean. We assume they’ll understand what we didn’t say. We assume they’ll act on things we never voiced. When they don’t, we feel let down.
Here’s the truth: nobody can smell your expectations. They can’t read your mind. If you want something (clarity, a deadline, feedback, space), you have to ask. Not hint. Not suggest. Ask.
The Dance We All Do
You send an email about the budget review. No response. You assume they’re thinking it over, maybe gathering data. Three days later, you discover they thought you were just informing them, not asking for input. Now you’re behind schedule and they’re confused about why you seem frustrated.
Sound familiar? This dance happens everywhere. The manager who assumes their team knows the real priority. The employee who assumes their good work speaks for itself. The colleague who assumes everyone understands the unspoken deadline.
We’re all walking around with invisible assumptions, hoping others will connect the dots we never drew.
Why We Don’t Ask
We’ve been trained that asking is weak. That good professionals should “just know.” That explicit communication is somehow unprofessional or needy.
School rewarded the kids who already had the answers. Corporate culture often reinforces this—there’s pressure to look competent, confident, always ready. So we’ve learned to perform understanding even when we’re guessing.
But that’s backwards. The strongest people ask the clearest questions. They don’t waste time dancing around what they need or hoping others will guess correctly. They understand that clarity beats guessing every time.
The Cost of Not Asking
While you’re busy assuming, problems are quietly multiplying. You spend hours working on the wrong thing because you didn’t clarify the real priority. You miss deadlines because you assumed you understood the timeline. You create tension in relationships because people feel like you should have known what they never said.
The pattern shows up everywhere: Managers who don’t state expectations end up disappointed. Employees who assume their contribution is obvious get passed over. Colleagues who avoid voicing needs end up resenting others for not fulfilling them.
Most of this friction isn’t necessary. It’s just expensive confusion masquerading as professionalism.
The Bonus Effect
Here’s what’s interesting: people don’t always know what they expect either. But the moment you create space and ask clearly, something shifts. The fog lifts. The real conversation begins.
Asking doesn’t just clarify expectations—it clarifies thinking. It improves plans, reveals what people actually need versus what they think they need. Clear questions cut through weeks of back-and-forth. They surface issues early. They build psychological safety because people know where they stand.
Teams that ask directly solve problems faster. Relationships that operate on explicit communication last longer. Projects with clear check-ins deliver better results.
The Strategic Advantage
In a world full of people hoping others will read their minds, the person who asks clear questions stands out. Not as demanding, but as effective. Not as needy, but as professional.
You’re not being too direct. You’re creating clarity. The people who value growth and honesty will thank you for it.
The world doesn’t need more people who try hard. It needs more people who take responsibility for making things work. Don’t assume, ask.