Basic Concept #18: The meeting is not for you…
Not all meetings are what they seem.
At some point in your career, you realize a strange thing: not all meetings are what they seem.
You think you’re invited to discuss, contribute, help solve a problem. You’ve prepared notes, thought through angles, maybe talked to colleagues. But when the meeting starts, something feels off. People nod too quickly. Objections are vague. Someone seems unusually calm or tense. There’s no real debate, just polite statements followed by “thank you, we’ll take that into account.”
That’s when you should rethink. Because that meeting? It’s not for you.
The Three Types of Meetings
Decision meetings have genuinely open outcomes. Your input shapes the result. These are real collaborative sessions where perspectives get weighed, alternatives get debated, and conclusions emerge from discussion rather than predetermined positions.
Theater meetings operate with decisions already made. This is formal process, checkbox ticking, controlled “consultation.” Your role is to be heard within boundaries, not to change direction. The train has left the station. The meeting is just the announcement.
Optics meetings focus on appearances. They’re about showing alignment, managing upward, delivering consensus. You’re part of the background scenery, providing witness to predetermined outcomes that need to look collaborative.
The Cost of Misreading
Speaking up in the wrong meeting at the wrong time doesn’t just get ignored. It gets remembered. You become “that person” who made things difficult, slowed things down, didn’t read the room.
One of the biggest energy drains in professional life is misreading moments. Believing you’re supposed to win the argument when no one came to change their mind. Thinking you failed when it was never your game to begin with.
How to Show Up Strategically
Once you understand the real purpose, you can decide how to participate.
In theater meetings, offer calm support. Ask one clarifying question that subtly shows you understand the bigger picture. Your manager will notice the insight and acceptance.
In optics meetings, nod appropriately. Let the moment pass. Do your real work elsewhere.
In decision meetings, bring your full contribution. This is where your input actually matters.
The Strategic Advantage
When you start seeing clearly, the frustration drops. You realize this isn’t personal. It’s structure. Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is not play.
Not every meeting is for you. When you see that clearly, you stop fighting the wrong battles and start focusing on the ones that matter. That’s organizational intelligence.